


a little heart hopes

by crookedkingdom



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Secret Admirer, Jisung-centric, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-02-24 09:01:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13210419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crookedkingdom/pseuds/crookedkingdom
Summary: the au where Jisung received some love letters and only to find out that it was from his crush.





	a little heart hopes

**Author's Note:**

> warning ahead, this is my first fic here and i tried but i KNOW this fic lacks too much :((( i'm so sorry, i hope i can make some good ass fics next :p and just a reminder that english isn't my first language.
> 
> headcanon for this fic would be :  
> \- Jisung = gay  
> \- Minho = bisexual  
> this would be unrelated to the fic but whatever :p

It all started in mid-March and it was Wednesday. Jisung remember what day it is because he just gotten out of math class and was ready to throw himself over cliff. He knows he’ll fail and his mom will not let him enter the dance competition, but then, something abruptly change that decision. A small paper lying atop his history textbook, more specifically.  
  
Despite his hurry to go to the next class, he opened the paper. What greeted him isn't what he expected. He was thinking that it was some random paper he hazardly ripped from notebook because the raw cut edges looks like it and was just there. But no, what's actually there was a few sentences with the unfamiliar writing that looks too practiced and beautiful at the same time.   
  
_When you smile, I could feel sunflowers grow in the distance._  
_Smile some more, maybe you can make lilies field next._  
  
Jisung laughed with how cheesy and cringey the letter sounded. Apparently he laughed way too hard, causing his friend, Minho and a few students trailing near to glance his way.  
  
Minho is a year older than him but since they practically grew up together, they're very close with each other as well as their two other friends, Felix and Jeongin. Right now, Minho is casually leaning against his locker door and eyeing the letter in Jisung's hand. Minho closes his locker door carefully. Probably, trying not to hurt the door by slamming it like other (normal) people. That's the thing about Minho, he's always careful, not only to people but, also to things too.  
  
“What’s that?” asked Minho as he sauntered his way to Jisung's locker. He was carrying some books in his hand, getting ready for his own next class which he didn't share with Jisung.   
  
Not wanting to make a big deal out of it, Jisung shows him the letter while still laughing. "Don't know. But this shit's funny!"   
  
Minho grinned, "Yeah, right. Only an insane person would think you'd be able to make a flower."

\---

  
  
In history class, Jisung can’t stop thinking about the letter and began to speculate who is it from. Maybe Felix, who’s known to be the master of pulling pranks. Since Felix is sick right now, he crossed off that idea. OR he teamed up with Jeongin and Jeongin just went along with it just because he knows how much Jisung will suffer. That's actually plausible and considering Jeongin's schedule didn’t match with his today could explain the time he found the letter.   
  
He wanted to text them right away, asking for explanation. But since he's still in history class and not wanting to end up in detention, he began to throw his gaze into the teacher. He can't concentrate though because what the fuck?? What if someone out there actually thinks his smile IS so nice and that they like it?? wow. Impossible and he knows he shouldn't take the letter seriously or else he'll hurt himself.

  
  
\---

  
**Jisung**  
[Attachment.jpg]  
yall step the fuck up and tell me who sent me this  
I BET ITS YOU JEONGIN   
icb!!!!! WE HAD A BOND JEONGIN!! I CRADDLE YOU IN MY ARMS!!! 

  
**Felix**  
OoOOooOoO Jisung got a secret admirer   
wait why am i in this gc if you THINK it's jeongin??? 

  
  
**Jisung**  
because jeongin will not do this by himself???? AND THATS PROBABLY YOUR IDEA

   
  
**Jeongin**  
Wtf, i'm in class hyung and no, i didn't do it  
  
**Felix**  
why are you textubg then   
  
**Jeongin**  
Because i want to defend myself? 

**Jisung**  
youre a liar and i'll not believe you until you prove yourself

   
  
**Jeongin**  
Whatever, just accept that you have secret admirer, SUNFLOWER 

  
  
\---

  
The letter came again next Wednesday and it took Jisung by surprise. He honestly didn't imagine it'll be a weekly thing. He already cornered and threatened Felix and Jeongin by pulling their first dance cover card because it'll be such an embarrassing thing to share if they ever prank him like this. The second letter that he got isn't ripped off from notebook like the first, but instead, the note looks like those paper you buy from craft stores with its elegant design. It seems wasteful just to write two sentences on it.   
  
_You fill my lungs with sweetness,_  
_and you fill my head with you._  
  
That day, Felix and Minho was right beside him when he opened the letter and he easily smacked Felix in the back after they read it together.   
  
"Felix?" Jisung said, hoping it comes threatening. "What does this mean?"   
  
Felix had this blank look on his face, and if it wasn't for the letter in his hand, Jisung would have laughed. Felix turned his eyes onto Minho, and it was so unreadable. It made Jisung think that the prank was led by Minho all along. There's no way though, thought Jisung. Minho is the kindest of them all and why would waste time pranking him like this when his little touch alone could make Jisung flushed, especially if you could add his smile.   
  
"It's not me! I swear! And you know my handwriting isn't like that!" Felix defended himself. "Just accept the fact that you got a secret admirer!"   
  
"Then again I will not let anyone see me dancing with my zebra onesie," muttered Felix, too small for anyone to hear.   
  
"Well, you could practice your handwriting! Ugh, who else could this be if it's not you or Jeongin?"   
  
"Why are you never blaming Minho? Why?" Felix whined at Jisung.   
  
"Wait, I think I know where that's coming from," interrupted Minho before the two could fight each other and cause a problem in the school ground. "Isn't that from the song called bloom? I don't remember who sang it, but I have it on my phone,"   
  
Minho pulled out his phone and played with it for a few minutes, searching for the song. When he found what he was looking for, he sticks the phone close to Jisung's ear and just like that, Minho is actually right. Jisung thought for a second that his _secret admirer_  is doing great with words now but no, it was from a song.Then, he immediately crossed Minho off his 'Who Prank Me' mental list because why would Minho help him if he's the one sending them in?

When Jisung just stared blankly at him, Minho says something with such a small voice, "So, you know, you could search someone who listen to this song. Or something."  
  
"Minho," Jisung cupped Minho's face with his hands, looking him right in the eye. "You're a genius and I love you so much."   
  
"I-" what comes next was cut off because of the bell, Jisung released his hands and hold Felix's arm next, ready to run together because they're in the same class.   
  
Jisung looks back at Minho who was still where he was when Jisung let go of his hand. He was looking at him weirdly, like there was some unknown gaze that Jisung should decipher, but not ready to. 

  
  
\---

  
What comes in the weekend was rather predictable. Jisung not coming over to Minho's because he was restless due to the letter. Minho comes over to Jisung's because he knew Jisung was restless because of the letter.   
  
It's been like five or six weeks since the first letter came and it hasn't stopped or rather it grew worse. Not only the letter came, but he also found things like chocolate OR even artificial flower in his bag. And it made Jisung antsy because he's always sure of himself and now he doesn't know what to do, like should he feel grateful for the things _they_ did? Probably. But he knows he should always be cautious if it is a prank.   
  
Minho was seated in Jisung's study place and he pulled out the letters where he knew Jisung keeps them in. Jisung was laying in his bed as he looked at Minho and didn't understand at how one could be so careful of other things. To treat such things with care could means losing yourself in the process too, and Jisung began to wonder if Minho ever felt lost before, or ever.   
  
"Minho?" voiced Jisung when he couldn't handle the silence anymore. Minho is still looking at the letter, but now he has pen in his hand and hastily writing whatever it is into the scraped of paper he found in Jisung's desk.   
  
"Yeah?" answered Minho a bit too long and still not looking at Jisung.   
  
What he wanted to say was, _Are you the one writing me the letter_ but it sounds too good to be true so what came out was, "Can we play something? I don't want to think about the letters anymore."   
  
"Yeah, sure," said Minho, abandoning the letters.   
  
This is what they always do, playing games as they bicker at each other to throw the other off, and maybe they could win just like that. This is what they always do, laugh at the other when the other loses and maybe feeling shouldn't be in the way and they should continue as friends _just so they can have more moments like this._  
  
"Who do you think wrote those letters to me?" asked Jisung. He knows he's supposed to concentrate on the game, but it's been nagging him and he just wanted it to stop.   
  
"Hm? I don't know? I don't think Felix and Jeongin were the one doing it. Anyone else you thought about?"   
  
"I once thought it was Hyunjin?" he said, feeling unsure. "I don't know, dude. He flirted me all year but it was too playful for it to be true. And also he got boyfriend a few weeks ago. He wouldn't hurt his boyfriend by sending me those letters, right?"   
  
"What about some girls you're close with?"   
  
"They knew I'm gay. There's no way, dude," Jisung huffed. Minho of all people should know that his sexuality is out in the open, probably everyone in his school knew by now that he's like 100% gay. "Are you the one sending me those letters? You wouldn't right? I mean, why would you?" he ended with a laugh.  
   
But, Minho lost the game. Just like that. Just because Jisung's question took him by surprise. Minho was still in his seat, then laughed way too hard for Jisung's liking. Jisung feels helpless at the sudden voice, knowing the laugh didn't belong to Minho at all. Jisung blamed himself for this night, for how reckless the question is, for wanting too much and for noticing the feigned laugh. Much more importantly, for not knowing better and a little too late. 

 

\---

Here's a complete list of everything Jisung found in his locker and his bag. He decided to sort it out after Minho left because he was feeling so defeated. 

  * 1 letter with paper from notebook and 5 letters with paper from craftstore (their design are all different and Jisung really love how soft it felt against his hands). 
  * 1 guitar keychain with his initial in it
  * 1 artificial flower (and God, Jisung just wanted to scream at how ugly that one is and how too artificial it looks) 
  * 6 chocolates or candies (each one found in different day) 



  
That's basically it. After the second letter in which the person used song lyrics, the rest after that aren't. He knows because he always check google after reading them. The contents vary, from how his eyes seems to hold stars in it to how his cheeks so full when eating. His secret admirer (the writer?) stated that the latter was so adorable and Jisung always managed to distract him from eating. What.   
  
Jisung thinks it was rather funny that someone watches him from afar so he always managed to differ his thoughts to Minho. Again. But, like, the boy is close with him, he knows what Jisung likes and what he doesn't like. Although, his secret admirer is still not doing an amazing job, but it could be Minho. Right?   
  
The fact that sometimes he's looking at Minho only to find the boy already looking at him and ready to look away as soon as their gaze connected. And how sometimes Jisung can feel himself blush (BLUSH!!) when their hands coincidentally brushed against each other as if the light skinship is something new for both boys growing up together then see that Minho's neck is red from embarrassment. And how much Jisung wanted to keep this train of thought go on but he doesn't want to be more delusional than this.   
  
But he kind of does anyway as he message his friends back and forth. 

  
**Jisung**    
im still thinking this is Minho's doing   
too good to be true   
too bad thats all in my head   
wow thanks to those letters i can now make quote  
i should made tumblr just so i can be famous from that quote  
or should i post my selca and use that as caption??

  
**Felix**  
lol  
why

**Jeongin**  
Don't be delusional, hyung.   
I mean, yeah, he could be. But what if he's not?  
And please don't post anything, your entire feeds are embarrassing enough

  
**Jisung**  
sto  
p bullying me

  
  
**Felix**    
but what if he IS??   
wanna bet w me   
  
**Jeongin**    
Is your boyfriend the one paying when you lost?   
  
**Felix**  
SHUT  
bin isn't my boyfriend   
wdym lol 

  
  
**Jisung**  
wdym lol

  
**Jeongin**  
wdym lol 

\---

  
Monday came and surely some things change. Minho began to avoid him and only him, because Jeongin told him that they had lunch together (like usual) and Felix told him that Minho still walks home together with him (like usual). Jisung knows he should be thinking positive, because their schedule rarely collide with each other anyway.   
  
But he knows, no matter what he tried, he still feels that tense in the air when Minho passes him by and not say a thing. When he smile and knows that it didn't reach his eyes. He can't really blame Minho for the sudden change, because his excuses for ditching their daily plans was because he has to study, and of course Jisung understands that he's a senior. But understanding it doesn't mean he's okay. And in some sense, he knew, it was because of the question.   
  
Thinking about it just made Jisung sick, he's been pinned over Minho for several months (years?) and maybe fantasized Minho as secret admirer should stop. Maybe, just maybe, he should find his real secret admirer and thank them for the letters. He should feel grateful because someone out there is admiring him and reminding him to love himself.   
  
"Jeongin," said Jisung to the phone. Not waiting for responses, he continued, "Can i come over? I need help."   
  
Apparently not only he's antsy at his own house, he's agitated in Jeongin's house too. And Jeongin been glaring him, silently asking him to stop walk back and forth because he needed to focus playing candy crush on his phone.  
  
"What help do you need, hyung?" Jeongin asked him when he doesn't stop.   
  
"It's about the letters," Jisung answered. "Please stop me from thinking it's from Minho, when it's probably not. Please,"   
  
Jisung kneeled down, hiding his face in between his knees, sobs echoes and Jisung's shoulder couldn't stop shaking. If Jeongin could, he'd pull Minho out of his magic hat and shoves him into this view to make him realizes how much Jisung had been hurting. But Minho didn't do anything wrong and it'll just make their friendship strained.   
  
"Alright, let's make a list of suspects. But first, you gotta pull yourself together and maybe eat something? Did you ate lunch?" asked Jeongin. He crouched down to where Jisung sat and patted him on the back with some reassuring words.  
  
The thing is, Jisung and Minho had this kind of conversation before, guessing suspect, but no luck. Jisung didn't understand how talking about this with Jeongin would bring him luck. 

"What i know is that they listen to bloom, know that I like white chocolate and know my schedule well to slip letters and some things to my bag," Clued Jisung. 

  
Jeongin only looked at him weirdly, like Jisung suddenly grew some snakes on his head and reminded Jeongin of Medusa and wanted Jisung just to disappear from his sight.  
"Oh man, i don't know anymore and my head hurts. Maybe you should leave them notes or something after school tomorrow. So by the time they're going to leave you notes, they notice about the letter you left and could answer them or something," explained Jeongin.   
  
Jisung was left speechless at how amazing that sounded and how he didn't think about it before. He should have done that long ago instead of whining about it to their friends but still grinning when he received something.   
  
"Dude, you're actually a genius for a second there," Jisung laughed. Jeongin smiled at the sight. 

  
  
\--- 

  
_Hello, i don't really know who you are. But thank you for all the letters and things you left in my bag. I really appreciate it even though it was hard because i don't know who you are and i was so afraid this is all prank._  
_So, can you tell me your name? Or at least give me some signs just so i can thank you in person?_  
  
_Once again, thank you._  
  
The letter Jisung left was rather simple. He didn't use the craft store some kind of paper and instead he printed it out, because he's afraid his secret admirer couldn't read his writing.   
  
The printed paper made him wonder too, of how weird his secret admirer decided to handwrite it and how stupid Jisung is for not recognizing people's handwriting. Like, it could be easier for him if he can, he probably already meet his secret admirer since they're probably close enough with him to slip some things to his bag without him noticing. Maybe his classmates or his dance teammates. But, in his defense, the handwriting looks too practiced for it to be decoded.   
  
The letter was left alone lying atop his history textbook in the first period. Now, Jisung is walking down the hallway, just finished math class and usually his weekly letter would be up after math, so he goes for it. Also praying for his own letter to be gone or something.   
  
When he opened the locker, something surprised him. There were no new letter and his is still there, but in different position than before. He's really embarrassed, the thought of his secret admirer wanting to the usual kind of letter have to be pushed back because of his notes. Did his secret admirer really not want Jisung to know him or even simple thing like his name?   
  
He slipped his own letter into his bag, not realizing there's an answer somewhere in the back.

 

\---

   
  
"You okay?" asked Felix.   
  
They're eating lunch together in the cafeteria. Just then, Jisung realized that he's been staring at his food without making any move to eat. Jisung picked up his fork and stabbed the fries a few times, Felix winced at the sight.   
  
"Jisung?" Felix asked again, but since his mouth is full of crisps, the sounds coming out his mouth was like, "Ji crunch crunch srurng crunch"   
  
"Yeah, yeah, 'm fine," he replied absently. "Just thinking about the letters."   
  
"What's today about?" Felix chewed some Jisung's fries.   
  
"I don't get one?" Jisung sound unsure. "I left them a note but it's still there when i checked my locker.'  
  
Felix is still stealing Jisung's fries. Felix thought Jisung doesn't notice it, but Jisung did and he's feeling rather nice that day and let him stole them anyway.   
  
"Maybe they're sick today?"   
  
"Could be," 

The question hangs between them, creating anxious air that neither of them could suffice.

 

\---

  
  
  
Somewhere between Friday and Saturday, is when he noticed his secret admirer's answer. The font is so small that he could mistake it for stains, but as he brings the letter to the eye level, he can read the sentence well.   
  
_You're right about that night._  
  
Jisung left confused. What night are they talking about? Is it that night where he corrected his dance team leader, Chan, for some choreography they've been working hard? Or is it that night where he told Changbin that Felix may have feelings for him? Could this be when he joked about the possibility of Minho as his secret admirer? 

  
**Jisung**  
send me your handwriting

   
  
**Changbin**    
What is this for? Lol  
[Attachment.jpg] 

  
**Jisung**  
thanks

good luck with Felix 

Luckily, Changbin's handwriting was nowhere like the letters. 

  
  
**Jisung**    
hyung, send me your handwriting

  
**Leader Chan**    
? 

  
**Jisung**  
it's for science

**Leader Chan**  
? 

  
  
**Jisung**  
just give it to me

**Leader Chan**    
?   
  
Jisung can't really say he doesn't empathize Chan for this because lets be real, if Jisung will not tell him what is this for then Chan can do anything. 

  
**Jisung**  
send me your handwriting  
and Minho's too i guess 

  
**Felix**  
what

  
**Jisung**    
your handwriting  
this is for science 

**Jeongin**    
[Attachment.jpg]

  
  
**Jisung**  
THANKS JEONGIN!!   
your e the BEST   
i don't know any felix 

  
**Felix**    
chill   
[Attachment.jpg] 

  
**Jisung**  
Minhos pls  
id pay   
with my love

  
  
No one answered him. He might have to take his compliment to Jeongin back. Jeongin is NOT the best and he doesn't know him anymore.   
  
However when he's rummaging through his desk, he found a small paper with scribble notes in it. It looks loosely practiced like the one his letters consist of. It's Minho's.

Suddenly this all made sense. Why Minho is helping him, why Minho smiling at him like that and why Minho didn't talk to him at all this week. Fuck. Minho is  _his_ secret admirer.

Then realization hit him hard. 

 

\---

 

Jisung thought he wouldn't be stupid enough to rush off like this without telling his mom. Especially, running into Minho's house with no jacket on in the middle of the night. He's not even sure if he brought his wallet and his phone. Fuck. He really should think before doing anything stupid. 

He raise his hand to ring the doorbell and he realizes that he didn't know what he's going to do. Should he confront him? Should he just say  _I_ _like you too_ and hope for the best? Or he should just kiss him?

Fuck. He doesn't know what to do. Just as he's about to leave, the door opened, revealing Minho's mother. 

"Jisung? What are you doing here?" Minho's mother opening the door wider and stepped away, inviting Jisung to come in. 

"I need to talk to Minho?"Jisung sounded unsure. He's still shivering from the wind outside, even though the door is now closed. He's not even sure how Mrs. Lee knew he was outside, is it mother's tingling sense that been talked about lately or is this something else? He's not sure if he can ask her when his worries are on talking with Minho.

Jisung had been following Mrs. Lee who led him to the living room. There were no Minho in sight, just Mr. Lee who's having newspaper in his hands and Minho's brother who's playing video game alone. Minho must be in his room. 

"Minho is in his room," pointed Mr.Lee when he noticed Jisung been standing awkwardly. Does he really have to go to Minho's room? 

Well better get this done fast then.

Jisung finger gunned Mr. Lee and headed into Minho's room. Usually he'd just thrown the door open by himself or knocking the door frantically but somehow, today is the day he knocks the door patiently. 

"Come in," said Minho from the inside. 

Jisung opened the door slowly, thinking he'd die in the next minutes. Fuck. He shouldn't have bothered going here, his fantasy should stop. Fuck.

Minho is laying in his bed with phone in his hand, his gaze is on Jisung who just sat at the edge of the bed. He looks perplex, not expecting Jisung to come. Especially since it's in the middle of the night. 

Just as Minho is about to say something, Jisung cut him off, "I know. All about the letter. About you avoiding me. About everything."

Jisung expected Minho to deny everything and winces at the statement. The latter was proven to be true, Minho does winced. However, Minho said something like, "Do you know that I like you?"in such a small voice. Jisung hated this kind of voice, because in this voice he looks so small and unsure and not wanting to approach the confrontation. Mostly, he hates it because he's the cause. 

"I think so. Do you really, you know," Jisung made some vague gestures with his hands. "Like me?"

Here's two person who knew each other since they were children. Two person who could be parting ways in the next few seconds or could be goes with as they did before the letters came and let the thick air hang in between them or this could end happily and maybe kissing could ensue. The silence was such a terrible thing to endure, them looking down, finding their own hands or feet much more entertaining than let this conversation end soon. 

The silence would still be suffocating if not for Minho sucks in his breath and "Yes, I like you. I'm sorry that i am and you don't have to like me back. Just wanted to tell you this since the moment have to come and you deserve the truth."

Jisung was sure this is his turn to confess but he can't do anything except looking so frozen. There was a bubbly feeling in his stomach that he's sure he'd float.

"I'm sorry about the letters. I know you were having a hard time about this. But i really can't stop after you laughed and kind of wanting to hear them more without you really knowing it was because of me." Minho goes on to full rambling on how everything the letters had said is true. "I thought you'll feel appreciated."

"I am. I really appreciate you. I just wish you don't have to keep doing it secretly because I really like you and I wish I know it was you sooner."

"You like me?" Minho sounds surprised. 

"Yeah. And you like me too. Your taste is surely have to be questioned," 

 

\---

 

If they come to the school next Monday hands holding each other, and Jeongin has to put some money in Felix's hands, no one has to know. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ok i KNOW you all will never read this notes because you all don't bother ~finishing~ it because of how bad this fic is. UGH. 
> 
> but like,,,, if you read it and like it you can come at my twitter or something :p @pjaehs


End file.
